Are People Really as Traumatized as They Say?

#trauma #legacytrauma #ptsd #racialethnictrauma #societaltrauma #traumahealing

In recent years, trauma and its impact have become a prominent topic. With that increase has come an increase in those lamenting that we’re overusing the word, "trauma," and that it’s causing the younger generations to become soft and whiny. How often have I heard them sarcastically exclaim that “everyone’s traumatized by everything. They just need to toughen up like we were at their age.” Are they right? Are too many people overusing the word? Do younger people just need to toughen up?

I’ll answer that question with another question: throughout history, how much have we traditionally ignored trauma? How much have we denied, ignored, repressed, or minimized it, while shaming anyone who talked about or exhibited the aftereffects of trauma? 

Trauma is a part of human life, but because we’re genetically built to avoid and run from pain, we rarely talk openly about it. Why? Because admitting the pervasiveness of trauma is painful. Are we really overusing the word, “trauma,” or are we just uncomfortable talking openly about it because it’s too painful to think about—especially the trauma of those we know personally?

Most therapists would say that it’s the latter. Therapists daily listen and care as people share their life-scarring and life-altering traumatic experiences, often for the first time. They share not only the trauma that happened, but the shame they feel for being traumatized due to the shushing of others telling them to keep it secret.

Every day our therapists help people heal from sexual trauma inflicted upon them from parents, relatives, teachers, pastors, cousins, neighbors, friends, and so many more. People share trauma from school and neighborhood bullying, violent physical abuse from family members, emotional abuse from authority figures, muggings, rapes, witnessing unexpected community violence, and more. People also talk about their trauma from accidents, illnesses, disease, afflictions, poverty, divorce, and neglect. That’s in addition to what they hear from war veterans, police officers, fire fighters, first responders, emergency room personnel, and so many who both witness and experience trauma related to their vocations. Culturally we embrace this last category of trauma, considering it a legitimate PTSD because we see these people as heroes. Others don’t get that same level of support because we don’t want to hear it—we don’t want to know about it.

All the traumas I’ve mentioned can create immediate and lifelong PTSD, but there’s more to trauma than just PTSD to events. There’s Legacy Trauma, which is trauma handed down through our familial or cultural history that burdens us generations later. There’s Racial/Ethnic Trauma—trauma experienced by virtue a life of facing bigotry and prejudice. There’s Global Trauma experienced from devastating global events.

A significant, ongoing trauma most of us are experiencing right now is Societal Trauma, which is the result of living in an aggressively polarized and divided society; often using social media as a tool to attack others without regard to how the ongoing division is traumatizing everyone, especially younger generations. Picture in your mind someone growing up in a divided household where the mom and dad are constantly criticizing, attacking, degrading, and inflicting pain on each other. We’d expect the kids to be traumatized. We’re living in a culture with leaders acting like those kinds of moms and dads. Can we recognize that we’re all living now in a traumatized society, and that maybe the rise in mental health needs among younger generations is societally inflicted?

The key in understanding trauma is that, as child trauma psychologist Gabor Mate, says: “Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you… It is not the blow on the head, but the concussion I get.”

As you read the rest of this newsletter, please consider what our therapists, who are experts in treating trauma, can teach you about helping people heal from trauma just by being someone who cares and refuses to dismiss the reality of trauma all around us.

Blessings,

The Rev. N. Graham Standish, PhD, MSW, MDiv, MA

Executive Director, Samaritan Counseling, Guidance, Consulting

What Can We Do?

#polarizationmentalhealth

Last week one of our therapists, Lynda, left me a message to call her back because she had a “Big Idea.” After a week of playing phone tag, we connected.

She gushed with energy, saying, “Graham! We need to help our clients more! All my clients are telling me how the constant conflict of our country and culture is increasing their depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, family conflict, and much more! I know what we need to do.”

She’s not the only therapist who’s said this about clients. Most have spoken out about how our culture is deteriorating mental health. What was Lynda’s Big Idea? That “Samaritan should start a podcast teaching people how to deal with all these issues.” Interestingly, we’ve already been talking about this. I told Lynda that once we get our podcast, she’ll be the first interview.

The overwhelming issue is that our democracy has become a “combatocracy,” where we increasingly feel we’re at war with each other. We’re turning people with different beliefs into mortal enemies. We’re increasingly lured into believing that those who see the world differently from us are morally corrupt and pose a threat to our lives. We’re living in a state of constant alert, much like those growing up in abusive or addictive households, wondering when the next explosive outburst will come along. Our clients are telling us that they never feel safe, fearing it will all explode soon.

My work has taught me how to live in a much different way. As a coach, spiritual director, and therapist with clergy of different denominations, I’ve had to strive to see them more as Christ sees them. My clients are progressive, moderate, and conservative. They’re Protestant, Catholic, Pentecostal, and non-denominational. They’re Lutherans, Episcopalians, Anglicans, Presbyterians (of all kinds), Mennonite, United Church of Christ, and more. I certainly have strong theological and political beliefs that could easily cause me to see those with different beliefs as the enemy. But I’ve also had decades of God-experiences emphasizing the call to love as Christ loved—to love the Lord our God with all our mind, heart, soul, and strength, and others as ourselves. I’ve learned to focus on God and love, and to not let theology, politics, or ideology force me away from that love.

I love my clients, regardless of their denomination or ideological beliefs. Taking time to understand them, I’ve recognized that despite different theological and political beliefs, they all want to help people live better lives. I don’t diminish where I differ from them, but I don’t let their differences keep me from recognizing that God’s called them to their ministry as much as I’ve been called to mine.

We need to take responsibility for how each of us is contributing to a culture that’s deteriorating peoples’ mental health. Are you willing to change how you see and treat those who see life differently from you?

Keep an eye out in the future for our podcast, so we can help you in making this change.

Blessings,

The Rev. N. Graham Standish, PhD, MSW, MDiv, MA

Executive Director, Samaritan Counseling, Guidance, Consulting

Reflecting on 8 Years of Samaritan’s Growing and Healing

#growth #diversity #healing

This past weekend I was surrounded by in-laws and adult kids as we chatted and made s’mores around a backyard firepit. We told stupid stories, shared embarrassing moments, and heard about new jobs and new cities.

My sister-in-law commented that she couldn’t believe we had been in our house for over twenty years. Reflecting on that as I looked up at the night sky, I replied, “You know, it’s fascinating how everything’s grown. When we moved here, we could see so many stars, but the trees have grown so big and bushy, we only see part of the sky. You don’t notice growing when you’re growing.”

That’s a great metaphor for Samaritan. We’ve grown so much over the past eight years, we often don’t notice how much:

• Since 2017, we have grown from 5,500 sessions to almost 14,000 sessions a year, which translates as a growth from about 550 to 1,400 clients per year.

• We've grown from 14 therapists to 19, while also becoming younger and more diversified in the kinds of therapies we offer.

• We’ve become more diverse, representing far more faith traditions, enabling us to work with Protestants, Catholics, Evangelicals, Pentecostals, and other religions, the spiritual but not religious, atheists, agnostics, and the not-sure-what-I-ams, as well as conservatives, moderates, and progressives.

• We’ve become more diverse among our therapists along racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds, including the ability to offer bilingual counseling in some languages, including Spanish.

• We offer mental and spiritual health options that go beyond therapy through our mental health and life coaching, clergy coaching, spiritual direction, consultations, and more. These services help people who may not need deeper therapy, but still want to improve life and relational skills, find deeper purpose and meaning in life, and so much more.

• We’ve become a leading counseling center for people of different backgrounds, issues, faiths, spiritual perspectives, lifestyles, and much more.

As I reflect on all of this, I’m proud of what we’ve become. It’s not easy being a non-profit counseling center whose sole focus is on helping people heal. There are many fine for-profit centers, but their focus is as much on making a profit as it is on healing. Meanwhile, other non-profit centers have struggled to stay solvent, including a center started in 1962 who we’ve partnered with for many years. They closed their doors in July. Yet we have thrived and grown. You are a significant part of this.

We continue to seek ways to grow even more. Our newest effort is bringing on Dr. Deborah Moon, PhD, LCSW, a professor at the University of Pittsburgh School of Social Work as our first mental health coach. Please watch our interview with her in this newsletter. I hope you’ll join me in celebrating the difference Samaritan is making by being a place of healing Samaritans.

Blessings!

The Rev. Dr. Graham Standish, PhD, MA, MDiv, MSW

Executive Director